Been one of those weeks!

I've been so busy the last week with doing craft shows, etc. that now I'm paying for it with my knee and back. The craft shows will be no more for me I'm still going to sell the arrangements if anyone wants them but not fooling with craft shows and only selling one here and there it's not worth the trouble of getting them all loaded in the car and having to take them in and out and getting some of them torn up. With being home the last few days on pain pills all I've done is eat junk food and now mad at myself for that. I don't think I'm ever going to get to goal. I'm taking the junk food I have left to the ladies meeting at church tonight and I'm sure it will get ate there. I've done nothing but cry today and mainly because of being in constant pain with my knee when I had surgery to correct that so I thought and then my step-dad is on my mind alot today with just memories of all the holidays I spend with him and mom over the years and how I was denied seeing him the last few years and never got to tell him goodbye before he died. Sometimes I feel alone in this world, both my boys are grown and have lifes of their own, all 3 of my parents are dead and have a ex-sister that has nothing to do with me. But in my heart I know I have an Aunt that cares a great deal about me and I know my kids love me. Okay enough whiney for today.

Flower arrangements

If your interested in one of a kind creations check my photos under Cynthia's Unique Designs on http://www.facebook.com/cindylou1963.

Thanks,
Cindy

Time to make myself accountable.

Well yesterday I decided to do a 3 day LPT (liquid protein train) and I made it thru day 1 and all I thought about was food but I didn't give in and I can give thanks to my friend Amanda for that. Today is a little better with not wanting to dive into the carbs. I know this works with decarbing yourself but now that I'm almost a year out from gastric bypass its seems harder to just drink protein drinks but I know if I don't get away from the carbs I'm never going to reach my goal. I'm down 90 lbs but really would love to say 100 lbs by the 29th of this month which will be my one year out. I have about 40-45 more lbs to lose and the weight has really slowed down in the last few months. With having the knee surgery I've really got out of going to the gym and I know that's not a good thing but I'm still having alot of knee pain when I've been on my leg to much and then I'm put out for a week or so until the next time I over do it. I have alot of things on my mind here lately and I don't know if that's why I've gave in to the carb monster but I know I still have a food addiction and its more less portion control, I really need to start cooking instead of just having cheese and apples for a meal or picking up something when I'm out. I know what I need to do to turn this around and I just have to make myself do it!

Been busy lately.

Sorry I've not written in awhile for those who read my blog, but it's been a busy few weeks for me.

As for what is going on in my life, been going to friends weddings and have one more to go to on the 26th and I'm the director in it. My one year of weight loss surgery is coming up on the 29th and its so hard to believe its been a year already and I survived all the problems and can say so far I've lost 90 lbs. My son Jason was ordinated into ministry about 3 weeks ago and I'm so proud of that, he's a great children's pastor. I've been going to a bible study on Wednesday nights and that gives me something to look forward to other than just Sunday for church.

My step-dad is still holding on but there is nothing else they can do for him and they have gave him about a week or two to live. My ex-sister as I like to call her these days has yet to call me and everything I hear is thru the grapevine but that's fine because I've made peace with it.She is the one who is losing out on what family can be if you love each other. That part of my family is dysfunctional and I don't care to be a part of it!

Getting back to the weight loss surgery, its becoming easier to eat things and more of it and I'm afraid of that because I don't want to gain the weight back, so I'm fighting my own demons with food still because the surgery didn't fix my mind. Any ideas from people who are past the 1 yr would be appreciated.

Cindy

11 months out.

Today I'm out 11 months from gastric bypass surgery and down 90 lbs from my highest and only 3 lbs away from onderland! I hope in a month at my 1 yr anniversary I can write 100 lbs.

Emotional last few weeks.

I always do better when I write down my feelings as opposed to keeping them inside. Sometimes its hard for me to believe that people who you think you can trust as in family and friends seems to not be so and its becomes more and more as you get older or at least in my case it does. People who I thought were true friends sometimes turn out to be enemy's more often than not and more than once my Daddy used to say everyone you think is your friend is not! I've found this out in family, church, jobs, neighbors, male and female friends. It's sad when you don't know really who you can trust and not trust in this world we live in. Being by myself most of the time seems to look better and better than trying to figure out what type of person this ones going to turn out to be. I'm not saying I want to be alone for the rest of my life as in being married again but unless its someone that I can have peace with then I'll stay single.

Yesterday I bought a new 46 inch LCD TV and Blue-ray Disc/DVD player so I'm enjoying that as my company at the moment!

This is my last weekend of being the great age of 45 and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

What a week!

I'm so tired from all the running around to Statesville and back and I'm paying for it in my knee I had surgery on. Went to the doctor today for a follow up at 3 1/2 weeks out and was told I've really got it inflamed from being on it to much and gave me a cortisone shot, to have rest for the next few days not even to go back to PT until next week and also gave me another pain pill that isn't suppose to make me feel loopy like the Percoset does.
But even with being tired I had a good time while in Statesville and then my oldest son Jason's ordination was this pass Sunday and that was a full day from morning to night.
I did get some sad news my Step-Dad Frank who I've not been allowed to see in about 4 yrs thanks to my ex-sister being so hateful and selfish has only got about 3 weeks to live, he has bleeding in the brain, the brain has shifted to one side and is about the size of a 2 yr olds and on top of that he already has Alzheimer's. But I've not seen him since the Alzheimer's set in and wasn't even told for almost a year after they found out and only found out thru an Aunt. I would have liked to have seen him but wasn't allowed too so I know God will put it in his heart that I love him and I'm so grateful he gave me such a good step-dad who never treated me like I was any less than his own daughter, not to many people can say that about step-parents but he raised me from the time I was 3 yrs old and I always loved him as much as my own Dad. I just pray that God will not let him suffer and that he is right with God and will be in Heaven with my Mom.
Thanks for listening.

Cindy